Hello, growth seeker,

Valentine’s day is nearing. Are You dreading it? Or Are you looking forward to a surprise, that special one? Most importantly, are you mentally Valentine Ready? 

In this blog, I aim to look at the most common relationship problems and share valuable insights on how to solve them.

Before I do that, let’s examine some historical facts about Valentine’s day. While some believe that Valentine’s Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine’s death or burial—which probably occurred around A.D. 270—others claim that the Christian church may have decided to place St. Valentine’s feast day in the middle of February to “Christianize” the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, or February 15, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, and the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.

No matter the reasons, millions of people love to celebrate and do something special for their loved ones on Valentine’s day, February 14.

The two questions you may want to ponder now before I share the most common relationship problems and how to solve them are:

  • Are you mentally and emotionally Valentine-ready?
  • What would change in your relationship life if you and your partner treated each other like it’s Valentine’s day every day?

Here are five relationship scenarios you may identify yourself as:

  1. Single.
  2. Dating.
  3. Married or living with a partner.
  4. Divorced or going through a relationship breakup.
  5. Widowed or widower.

Deep down, you desire to be loved no matter your category.

The truth is that relationships come in all shapes and sizes, from casual to severe, from heterosexual and homosexual, to in-between. Regardless of what type of relationship you’re in, it’s essential to keep it healthy and happy. While there is much advice about making your relationship work, most focus on topics like communication and compromise. These are good things to focus on, but

  • Can you truly hear yourself?
  • Do you know what matters when keeping a relationship ‘fire’ on?

If you want to know what other issues might be affecting your relationship – besides finding ways to communicate better or compromise more – then read on!

Identify your fears, anxieties, and worries, and discuss them with the other person.

Once you have identified your fears, anxieties, and worries, have an honest conversation with the other person. Talk about them openly and mindfully as they relate to your relationship. Don’t be afraid of conflict or disagreement; if something bothers you but you haven’t told them yet because it makes you feel uncomfortable, now is the time!

Don’t hold back on expressing how much their presence in your life means to you–and don’t be afraid of asking for what YOU want from THEM either!

Remember: this is YOUR relationship, too, so say what needs saying (and mean it). Once again: no matter how much had changed since those early days when everything seemed perfect between two people who were madly in love with each other, people still need affectionate physical contact with one another today just as much as ever before – even if only once every few hours during the day. You may recollect how much you enjoyed touching each other and how often you did it when things started between two lovers who later married each other after dating long enough…

Next time you have a conflict, could you consider a technique I use with all of my clients? Hold your partner’s hand while discussing things that challenge them or you during a disagreement or conflict. You will notice an immediate change in their energy. In my multi-award-winning book A Path to Wisdom, I dedicate an entire chapter to love and relationships. You will find more powerful tips on transforming yourself and being in a relationship you want to stay in. Touch has tremendous healing power because it is associated with the heart chakra – love. And who doesn’t want to be loved for all they are and are not?

Be willing to address conflict.

The first step to solving any problem is being willing to talk about it. Don’t let your problems fester and grow; address them as soon as possible so they stay manageable.

When you’re having a conflict with someone, please don’t blame them or make assumptions about what they did wrong. Instead, focus on yourself and how you can improve in the future so that there are no more issues between the two of you!

Another common mistake I observe my clients who consult with me make when dealing with conflict in their relationship is avoiding talking altogether because they don’t want their partner to get upset or angry at them over what was said during discussion time (which can happen!). But this strategy only makes matters worse because now two people haven’t been able to resolve their differences – instead of just one person feeling alone with their frustrations!

One of the agreements my partner and I made from day one in our relationship is to never go to bed without solving whatever bothers us or causes a breakdown. The same technique I teach my clients to use, the results I have observed are phenomenal.

Remember that you have different values, expectations, and histories.

The only constant in life is – change. Taking that into account, it is wise also to remember the following:

  • You are not the same person you were in your twenties.
  • You are not the same person you were when you got married.
  • You are not the same person you were when you had children and a career to juggle, or even just one or the other of those things on your own.
  • You might need to be more about whom your partner is married to, and that’s OK!
  • You are not a copy; you are unfakeable – authentic.

But it’s important to recognise this fact because one common problem people have with relationships is expecting their partners to behave precisely as they did before they became parents/married/etc., which leads to frustration if these expectations aren’t met (and sometimes even resentment).

Research shows that domestic abuse and divorce rates went up during the COVID-19 pandemic, and to help many more people navigate the unprecedented uncertainty that engulfed all of our lives, I felt called to write The Unfakeable Code®: Take Back Control, Lead Authentically and Live Freely on Your Terms book, so more people can learn how to use the five-step method to dissolve conflicts and stressful situations and live, lead, and love authentically.

I wrote the book whilst in lockdown. Little did I know that one day it would assist so many people from all corners of the world to change their lives and grow their relationships, win many international book awards, and become Amazon’s #1 Bestseller in many categories.

When you don’t feel like you can play nice, disengage.

It’s important to remember that no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. When your partner does something that upsets or frustrates you, it’s OK to push back a bit (in a healthy way) without putting them on the defensive by saying something like: “You always do this! I hate it when…” Instead of making accusations, try giving them feedback about how their behaviour affected you: “When I see my shirt on the floor again after we talked about picking up after ourselves last night at dinner…it makes me feel disappointed because I thought we were making progress.” This type of statement allows both parties in the relationship an opportunity for growth while respecting each other’s individuality and boundaries.

You can learn how to compromise without compromising yourself.

Compromise is a crucial skill for any relationship, but it can be easy to lose sight of your own needs if you need to know what they are.

Before we start, let’s define the problem: What exactly do I mean by compromise? Settlement is when both partners give up something they want to make their partner happy. For example, one partner might agree not to go out with friends on Friday nights so the other can focus on studying for finals (this sounds like an extreme example, but bear with me). It’s essential that both partners feel like they’re getting something out of this agreement–otherwise known as a “win-win situation.”

But how do we achieve this win-win scenario? First, it’s essential to think about what other people want from life and yourself! You need goals too! This means ensuring a balance between your ambitions and those around them–so don’t worry too much about what others’ dreams may be just yet – stay focused on yourself first!

In my recently published book, A Path to Excellence, I share why pursuing personal excellence makes you the most desired partner.

Could you remind yourself daily why you want to be in a relationship?

Yes, you can. It can be easy to forget why you are together when you’re in a relationship. You may take your partner for granted or focus on their faults rather than their positive qualities. This is especially true when things get tough, and it seems like nothing is going right in the relationship.

Remind yourself every day of the reasons that you want to be in this relationship with them:

  • They make me laugh
  • They make me feel safe and secure
  • I love how hardworking they are
  • I love cuddling up after dinner and watching our favorite Netflix series
  • How they stood by you through thin and thick

Stay motivated by being grateful for what’s working in your relationship.

If you feel like your relationship is going nowhere, it may be helpful to reflect on the things that are working. Gratitude can be a powerful tool for motivating yourself and others. Each time I have coached my clients feeling down about their relationship, I focus them on thinking about what’s going well. I get them to write at least one hundred benefits. In the beginning, many find this exercise quite tricky, especially if they feel hurt. But, by the time they finish, they think differently.

For you, it could be as simple as being grateful for having someone who cares about you and wants to spend time with them–or maybe it’s something more specific like appreciating how much fun it was when the two of you went shopping together last week or how much progress has been made on one of their projects lately. Whatever works!

You can work on your self-esteem on your own time and don’t let it spill into your relationship.

Self-esteem is a personal trait that another person can’t control. You need to work on yourself, with or without your partner’s help.

If you have low self-esteem and constantly put yourself down in front of your partner, it will affect how they interact with you because they will feel like they need to protect or fix you all the time. They may even try to do things for you out of pity instead of love! That doesn’t sound very fun at all!

The only way around this problem is by building up your confidence so that when people criticise or question who “you” are as an individual (or couple), it doesn’t bother them as much because they know how excellent their partner truly is at heart–even though sometimes their actions might not reflect that knowledge right away due either because we’re human beings who make mistakes often due simply because we’re imperfect beings ourselves too…

You can keep your relationship happy and fun with effort and determination.

You don’t need to be perfect, be curious to learn and grow through the challenges life presents you with.

If you’re in a relationship, there will be times when things don’t go as planned, and you make mistakes. That’s OK–it happens! The important thing is that you learn from them and do your best to avoid repeating those mistakes.

You can always try again.

If one strategy doesn’t work for getting your partner back into the fold or working out an issue between you, try another one until something sticks! There are so many options available that it’s worth taking some time before making final decisions about your relationship’s direction.

Conclusion

In a world where relationships are so easy to come by, it’s worth taking the time to make sure that yours is the one you want and, if so, investing in making it healthy and happy.

If you find yourself in any of these situations, don’t panic! You can get back on track with some effort and determination.

Over the years, people from all professional backgrounds, including CEOs, Lawyers, Financiers, Scientists, Coaches, Presidents, Prime Ministers, and the world’s most successful people, consulted with me to assist them in overcoming relationship blocks, dissolving emotional charges, strengthen primary relationships and learn to communicate effectively with anyone; even your ex.

As a result of a multi-year research and delivering over 25,000 coaching, consulting training, and healing hours, I have developed one-of-a-kind methods and relationship growth principles and strategies for improving your relationships.

Give yourself more happiness (and sex), enjoy better health and a more robust immune system, be more productive, and eliminate destructive relationship behaviour patterns that are holding you back from having the life you want.

As your coaching partner, we will work on creating relationship psychology that generates new feelings of romance. We will enjoy rediscovering the love spark and igniting the flame that burns deep within your soul.

If you want to find out how to make this Valentine’s Day your best, please book a breakthrough relationship consultation before February 14 and get a 20% discount.

Just remember: when things get tough, take some time for yourself and invest in coaching, so your relationship doesn’t start feeling like another burden.

Love and Wisdom

Tony J. Selimi – I am an Award-Winning Author, Speaker, and Transformational Life and Business Coach Specialising in Human Behaviour, Leadership Excellence, and Maximising Human Potential. Winner of the London SME Most Visionary Entrepreneur, Corporate Coaching and Recruitment Business Coach of the Year Award. Silver Winner of Literary Book Award, USA Book, Book Excellence, Top Shelf Magazine and Maincreast Media Book Award for A Path to Wisdom, #Loneliness, The Unfakeable Code®, and A Path to Excellence in the following categories: Personal Growth and Development, Self Improvement, Self Help, Inspirational, Motivational, Entrepreneurship, and Business and Leadership.

P.S. – I work on a virtual basis and in person with clients all over the globe, facilitating the realisation and accomplishment of personal, relationship, professional, financial and business goals. Here are four ways I can assist you in creating life-changing breakthroughs, growth and accelerating your journey to excellent health, influence, relationship, business, wealth and success.

#1… Book a Breakthrough Consultation Session by sending an email to info@tonyselimi.com.

#2 … Grab your copy of my #1 Amazon bestselling and Multi-Award-Winning books, and enrol in my Mindfulness for Higher Productivity, Performance, and Profitable Life Udemy Course! Click here to join thousands of happy students.

#3 … Make the fastest progress by booking Business Strategy Session to work with you on your business and train your leaders and teams.

#4 … Book me to give expert advice on your T.V./Radio/Podcast show, or hire me as a speaker to educate, inspire and transform your audience at your next company or industry event.

For more information, go to https://tonyselimi.com.

For more information, go to https://tonyselimi.com.