There are two significant problems with love. The first is that it’s challenging to find someone who likes the same things you like or doesn’t mind your not wanting those things. The second problem is that when you find a person who fits these criteria, it turns out they’re crazy and can’t handle basic human emotions.

You know what I’m talking about: You go on a first date and think this person has potential, but then they start freaking out because they don’t want to be taken care of, have their feelings hurt, or whatever else makes relationships hard and painful. But here’s where we can get real: It doesn’t matter how many times people say “true love conquers all” because, in reality, it doesn’t conquer anything!

Having delivered over 25,000 hours of coaching and training, I concluded that no one ever chooses to be alone because they want to spend more time alone; we prefer solitude because of past hurt, lack of trust, and need space after being in relationships for too long. So instead of trying to find true love—which may never come—let’s take some actionable steps toward improving your relationship with yourself before attempting anything else!

Here are two questions to ponder with:

What would happen in your life if you learned to unlock the secrets of having a fulfilling relationship? What if you could have the relationship of your dreams?

You can be happy in your love life when you get out of your way! You may think it’s their fault and you are not like them.

I hear you. I do. And that’s precisely the problem.

So let’s talk about how to be your authentic self because if we can get there together, everything else will follow naturally and easily. Here are eight steps you can read in more detail about in A Path to Excellence and can use immediately to help you overcome relationship blocks:

Step 1: Learn to love the unloveable in you and others. Love Yourself.

Before you can love someone else, you have to love yourself. This doesn’t mean you should be selfish or egotistical; you need to be comfortable with who you are and what makes up your life. If a relationship isn’t working out, it’s okay not to force it–but if it is working out and making both partners happy, then why would anyone want to end it?

Love yourself first so that when the time comes for another person in your life (whether male or female), they’ll feel comfortable enough with themselves and each other to make their relationship last long enough for both parties involved.

Step 2: Stop avoiding conflict and be willing to have difficult conversations with yourself and your partner(s).

Avoidance is the most significant relationship killer. It’s a sign of fear and will only lead to resentment and pain. If you avoid conflict, you’re in for some trouble. Conflicts are inevitable in life–and in love! It’s how couples handle them that matters most. So don’t let yourself get stuck on the idea that conflict is wrong; it means both partners are alive and well, communicating effectively with one another about their needs and desires as individuals within their relationship and together as a couple. When two people who care about each other enough to be vulnerable enough with each other meet these challenges head-on instead of running away or hiding behind passive-aggressive behaviour (which only creates more distance between them), they learn more about themselves through interacting with each other than they ever could alone.

Step 3: Stop Chasing Support.

It’s not easy to do, but if you can stop looking for support from others, you will find that your sense of self-worth will increase. When we look outside ourselves for validation, whether through our partners or friends, we are telling ourselves that we are not enough as we are. This leads us down an unhealthy path where we depend on others for happiness and validation.

You don’t need anyone else’s love or approval; all you need is the love within yourself! Stop chasing support from others. Instead, ask for what you need from your partner(s) directly and consistently (i.e., “I would like some help with the dishes tonight”) rather than expecting them to read your mind or guess at what might make you feel better (i.e., “If I were doing my share, then I wouldn’t be so tired”).

Step 4: Stop Injecting Your Parent’s Voice into Your Relationships.

This is the most critical step, and it’s pretty simple. You must be aware that you have been doing this for your entire life. It’s like when you were little, and your parents told you how much they loved the drawing or poem you made in school: it felt great!

But then those feelings started going away as soon as their praise stopped at regular intervals, right? This same thing happens when we start thinking about our partner as someone who has failed us somehow because they didn’t meet our expectations (or even worse, if we’re not getting praise from them).

Stop injecting parental voices into relationships. If you do, you will only get in the way; try speaking up for yourself instead of waiting for someone else to do it! This can be especially difficult if your parents were critical or controlling toward each other when they were married–but remember: You don’t have to follow their example!

Step 5: Know What Your Expectations Are.

To break this cycle of disappointment with others, we first need to know what exactly those expectations are–and where they come from! Maybe something specific happened in childhood that caused us to have certain beliefs about what a romantic partner should be like; perhaps it was just growing up around certain people who had similar views, maybe some combination thereof…

Whatever the cause, once we identify what these beliefs are (and whether or not they’re helpful), we can make plans for shifting them into something more positive.

Step 6: Create a Love List.

If you’re looking for love, stop.

Could you list all the qualities you want in your partner and stick them on your fridge? If someone comes along who meets all those qualifications, excellent! But if they don’t, it’s time to take another look at that list and see what else needs changing before giving up entirely (hint: probably nothing). If, after all this work, there isn’t anyone who fits the bill perfectly, then it’s time for some self-improvement. Does that list include items that equally challenge and support you?

Step 7 – Take Risks and be Open-Hearted in Your Relationships.

You can’t be open-hearted if you’re afraid of getting hurt. It would help if you took risks to get what you want, which means putting yourself out there.

You might find that being vulnerable is scary–but if someone doesn’t like who I am or what I have to offer them, then it’s not the right relationship for me anyway! They aren’t worth my time and energy (and vice versa).

Being vulnerable isn’t easy; it takes courage and strength to open yourself up to rejection or disappointment. But this also means that when someone does accept all parts of who we are without judgment, our hearts soar with joy as we experience true love from another human being!

Step 8: You can be happy in your love life when you get out of your way!

The key to happiness is not love; it’s getting out of your way.

How do you do that? Well, there are lots of ways! You can meditate, take up a hobby, or spend more time with friends and family–things like that will help. But if you’re looking for something more immediate, here are some simple steps:

  • Be authentic–don’t pretend to be someone else to attract a partner (or friends or family). If they don’t love who you are, then they aren’t worth your time anyway!
  • Be honest–don’t lie about who you are and what you want out of life or love relationships; otherwise, things will get messy later on when these lies come out!
  • Be transparent–don’t hide things from others just because they may not like hearing what those things might be; honesty is always better than lying because it helps build trust between people, which leads to healthy relationships over time!

I trust that what you have read so far supports you in realizing that love isn’t the problem. You are the problem!

You have this idea in your head about how things should go and what other people should be doing so that they make sense to you, but this is just an illusion because nobody knows anything about anything except themselves (and maybe their dogs or cats).

So let go of any expectations or assumptions about what anyone else should be doing or thinking; focus on yourself instead! And when someone tells us something new about themselves–which happens all the time in relationships–we have this tendency towards judgementalism based on our preconceived notions rather than just accepting them as another human being who has different experiences from ours; remember how many times we’ve gotten upset over something minor? We need some perspective sometimes!

Conclusion

I trust you’ve enjoyed this little look at the science of love. I know it can be challenging, but if you keep these tips in mind and try them out for yourself, you’ll find that your relationships will improve in no time!

Love and Wisdom

Tony J. Selimi – Award-Winning Author, Speaker, and Transformational Life and Business Coach Specialising in Human Behaviour, Leadership Excellence, and Maximising Human Potential.

PS – I work on a virtual basis and in person with clients all over the globe, facilitating the realization and accomplishment of personal, relationship, professional, financial, and business goals. Here are four ways I can assist you in creating life-changing breakthroughs, growth and accelerating your journey to excellent health, influence, relationship, business, wealth, and success.

#1… Book a Breakthrough Consultation Session by sending an email to info@tonyselimi.com.

#2 … Grab your copy of my #1 Amazon bestselling and Multi-Award-Winning books, A Path to Wisdom, #Loneliness, The Unfakeable Code®, and A Path to Excellence, and enroll in my Mindfulness for Higher Productivity, Performance, and Profitable Life Udemy Course! Click here to join thousands of happy students.

#3 … Make the fastest progress by booking Business Strategy Session to work with you on your business and train your leaders and teams.

#4 … Book me to give expert advice on your TV/Radio/Podcast show, or hire me as a speaker to educate, inspire and transform your audience at your next company or industry event. For more information, go to https://tonyselimi.com.