“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”- Lao Tzu 

It is in our DNA to continuously evolve, multiply, and wake up and rise. To search for a deeper meaning to our mortal lives. The more I was learning about Taoism, the more I came to understand the meaning hidden behind Lao’s statement.

The many of the truth’s and lies that I had learned since a very young age kept me imprisoned in the prison of my own creation, the one of a rigid mind, and of an perfect illusionist whose illusions were so real that one could never establish the difference of what is and what’s not an illusion.

Ancient scriptures are littered with paradoxical lingo, for instance Jesus said, “Whoever tries to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will preserve it.”

Only this statement kept me searching for the deeper meaning behind these words. I came to experience the flow of life, the rhythm of striving and letting go that which hinders our evolution, conceals our truth, and keeps us holding on too tightly to our beliefs, skewed perceptions and injected values.

When we eventually awaken to our greatness, it feels like swimming against the current. It is this illusion that you must break through committing to do the hard work required to unravel the truth of who you are. Hustle and be persistent, make sure you balance this with patience, and at times, stepping away from a rigid belief, injected value, people or situation.

This was the case with Elizabeth Gilbert following the massive success of Eat, Pray, Love. She shared about the crippling pressure of any follow up work that came from this success. With millions of anxious readers, she cranked out a manuscript over the course of one year, but she shared that it just didn’t feel right “The voice didn’t sound like me.”

She decided to put the manuscript away, never to be looked at again, and focused on her garden patch. Taking a break brought her clarity; rather than writing the book for the millions anticipating, she decided to start over and wrote it for an audience of 27 close friends, who needed the message of the book.

This very same situation happened to me when I embarked writing both of my books A Path to Wisdom and #Loneliness. In both occasions the first manuscript I wrote did not feel congruent to me. I felt rushed and in a way pressured to deliver the manuscript to my publishers. I walked away from both of my original scripts and created two new ones that are now read by millions of readers globally.

Being able to listen to your true authentic voice, not the one you have developed over the years of conditioning, or disassociation, or fear, is what helped me let go of what the books had to be and created the room for them to become what they meant to be.

In your striving, acknowledge your willingness to let go and just do it.

Here are the five principles to embrace to elevate your being:

1. Unravel, Know and Grow Your Value. There’s value in simply being alive, being all you can be, and knowing your presence matters. And there’s value in what you contribute to the world; to learn to value how both your inner “devil” and “angel” are there to support you on your journey to self-actualization, and how life adversities are there to help you live your highest values and share that with the world. Keep investing in your most valuable assets: your health, knowledge, and wisdom. Get yourself a mentor or a coach, there are many out there, choose one that is credible, speaks, lives and is capable of holding a clean mirror to teach you your truth. I personally love learning and consulting with various teachers including world human behavior expert Dr John Demartini.
2. Learn the art of mastering free will and determinism. Many people out there believe that they have no free-will, that all our actions and behaviors are predetermined neurologically through upbringing and environment. Neuroplasticity experts disagree; they have now shown to us that we can change our brain, and we’re wholly and solely responsible for what takes place in life. In my recent book #Loneliness I share how our experience gives way to both; sometimes, we freely choose to pass on those delicious chocolate cakes, other times we’re possessed by the Vanilla Ice Cream Hagen Daz-monster. There are times we’re nothing like our parents, and other times we’re a splitting image. What I notice in many people is their willingness to intrude in other people’s realities, offering services and reasons why they should be in your life. To the extent that our able, self-discipline and willpower needs to be exerted. Ultimately with decision-making, joy comes in knowing you’re in the driver’s seat rather than the passenger seat. Whether or not free will is an illusion, feeling as though you’ve expressed your will is better than being a mindless robot. Remember, taking ownership is always better than seeking to blame.
3. Train your mind to think fast and slow down when it is absolutely necessary. Many of my clients struggle when it comes to making a decision if they should go ahead with their head, or with their heart. That is the question that billions of people are currently asking on the planet. When I spent six weeks meditating I learnt to master my mind, to slow it down and to think fast by recollecting vast amount of data needed to make a decision. Thinking fast, or just going with your gut, is often tied in with the unconscious mind; science has shown that it’s incredibly accurate—once we identify a goal we want to accomplish in our life, our mind draws from the vast information we’re subconsciously exposed to, and responds to triggers that support the goal. Thinking slow requires more conscious effort to fully explore an issue, but can lead to overanalysing and inaction. Whether you ultimately decide to go with logic or intuition, realizing your physical and emotional state when making the decision is just as, if not more important. Being in a stressed, tired, or negative state will never yield the best decision. Learn to be balanced, to think fast, and slow down when you need to, best way to do it is while you’re rested and in a calm state.
4. Embrace change and permanence. Universe is constantly moving, evolving, and creating and destroying stars and galaxies. You are part of the same universe governed by the very same laws. If you’ve heard the words, “Gosh, you’ve changed,” it was likely with a derogative tone, and remorse over what happened to the person they once knew. To be grounded and consistent in our values is a good thing, pretence has never been notable. Yet at the same time, returning to your high-school reunion and seeing old friends stuck in the same old thing comes with a sense of shame, blame and guilt. To grow and change is both a good and a bad thing. Whilst stagnancy has never been celebrated, it is essential part of everyone’s journey. Repetition and evolution are two great words balancing the truths of permanence and change: you may never change careers in your life, but the reality is you’ve grown in your work. You may never leave your country, but you may have fulfilled all your dreams and are daily doing actions that are elevating your being.
5. Study both Science and Spirituality. Science without spirituality is blind, spirituality without science is foolish. The integration of the knowledge they both bring is key to understanding the universe, our origins, and the next steps in our evolution. The dawn of the enlightenment and scientific revolution was the great divide between faith and reason. Positivism and Empiricism became the dominant methods for determining truth, and all else was classed as superstition. But in the recent years, we’ve seen the traditional enemies overlap, with science validating once esoteric knowledge and practices like prayer and meditation.

The five principles above are a great reminder that while truth and confidence can be grounded in facts and figures, trust and assurance can also be found in what’s not visible to the naked eye, or immediate to your senses. Belief, gratitude, and faith—less tangible experiences, supported by science, all broaden and add to meaningful experiences in life.

Learn to use the TJS Evolutionary Method to embody the mentioned five principles into your daily life. It will help you on your journey to integrate the wholeness of who you are.  For those of you who are advanced students of life, you may want to start reading my newly released book #Loneliness –The Virus of The Modern Age.  In this book is where you start the journey to unravel the hidden lies that in time become the truths that you speak. Where you learn to be authentic, speak your truth, and honour your true essence.

Lastly, remember one thing, enlightenment is not an overnight thing, it is a lifelong commitment, it is your infinite soul’s way of letting you know how powerful you are, and it is a dance between “Good” and “Evil”, “Love and “Hate”, “Day” and “Night” and the many counterparts of the two polar opposite sides of you.

“Being truthful, authentic, and grateful is the first step to healing your body, mind, and heart.”

Which one of these vital principles that resonates most with you are you going to commit daily? Which one of them is most aligned to your values, why is it so, and please feel free to share with me and readers from around the globe why is it so. Write your thoughts in the comments below, share this article on social media and invite others to engage in a life changing dialogue.

Be authentic, wealthy, and healthy,

Tony J. Selimi

Speaker, Coach, Human Behavior and Cognition Expert

Last week two of my personal heroes and people who have had a profound influence on my personal development and healing journey were the great actor Robin Williams and the world’s greatest healer Martin Brofman crossed over into the spirit world.

All of you may know Robin, though few of you may know Martin Brofman despite touching and healing the lives of millions of people around the world. This got me thinking, reflecting and inspired me to write this blog not just to honour these two souls who crossed over to the other side but also to millions of people around the globe who suffer from emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual challenges.

Let me ask you a question, would you drive a car if you knew it was not safe for you to drive it? Probably not….So why do you think your soul would love to go on a journey with you if it does not feel safe being with you in any moment in time?

The sad irony of Robin’s life and untimely death is that he brought so much joy and laughter to so many people’s lives, yet he was unable to give himself the same gift he gave to others.

As an actor, i remember when i first saw him in “Dead Poet Society” and “Good Morning Vietnam” he was a genius at getting into role and putting on an amazing act in front of the screen to entertain his audience.

But what about his emotional wellbeing, who was Robin behind the many masks and facets by which the world knew him? He was just another vulnerable soul, he was you, he was me….Despite the many facets, he was a unable to step out of the role he was really playing in real life: a movie that was far from a comedy, but rather a tragedy behind the scenes.

Just like many of my clients that i help, from the outside, it seemed like he had it all: money, success, fame, family, friends and an outpour of love from millions of fans around the world yet from the recent news it’s obvious, there was something deeply spiritually missing in his life which kept him in the depths of depression.

Why is it that despite having everything one can have so many people suffer in silence?

This reminds me of my own journey, the pain, the suffering, and the abuse i was subjected for many years. The truth is that deep down I knew all of that, but it was the inner game within me that stopped me for years to take action and remove myself from people and environment which were not nurturing.

I never had the confidence to speak about it until the moment i decided to draw the line and promised myself i will do all that i can do to bring myself back to balance. My book “A Path to Wisdom-How to live a balanced, healthy and peaceful life” is all about taking people on this journey in which they feel empowered to listen to their own voice.

If we don’t listen to our own voice, everything we attempt and strive for will leave us feeling empty, unfulfilled, and a knowing that we have failed to recognise what is truly important to us; we’ve failed to interpret our own definition of happiness and our personal needs; we’ve failed to decipher who we really are; a price that can prove to be too costly for some of us to bare, as last week we saw this with Robin Williams.

Today is a chance for you to reflect and find out about the battle you may be fighting, make investing in your personal development your choice number one. That is exactly what i did 24 years ago when due to the atrocities of the civil war in Former Yugoslavia i ended up in the streets of London.

The truth is, there are many Robin Williams around the world right now who are silently fighting incomprehensible battles that we are totally unaware of, maybe you are one of them. Everyone’s battle is their own, it’s not for us to judge or compare because it’s not the size of the battle that counts, it’s the size that’s perceived by the person who is fighting it that matters.

Businesses and companies around the world are recognising more and more the importance of emotional wellbeing, the importance of getting help for stress, depression and the importance of cultivating a positive psychology.

Revealing my own experiences of loneliness, lack of belonging, abandonment, depression, emotional challenges and adversities I have been through in the introduction of my book led to inspiring thousands of people to come forward and seek help.

Let’s not shun away from the fact that we’ve all been through some hard times at some point or another! There’s no shame in it; it’s not a sign of weakness to share our shortcomings, we all have them, but rather it is a sign of courage, boldness and self-confidence because it’s a demonstration of having risen above our fears of being ridiculed, judged or criticised.

However, most people struggle to open up because the perception of our reality, we still live in a culture and society which has made it very difficult for us to feel comfortable about revealing our vulnerabilities, yet we all face them. This has led to people isolating themselves and wallowing in their own troubles without asking for help because of their fear of not good enough, judgement, and most of all failure.

Not acknowledging those fears lead people to wear many energy draining facades and people not feeling like they can really be who they really are.

Whilst this coping mechanism may give those individuals only temporary ability to face the world, in long term wearing different facades can have a detrimental effect on their wellbeing.

I faced this inner separation so many times, each time i tried to ignore it, the issues would come back, this is the time when i went ahead and booked few coaches and healers to help me with the obstacles that kept me away from my true self.

Before i came out to my family and friends, i was torn apart from living double life, living the small lies and living with the shame of my own incongruence and most of all stripped off the courage to even look at myself in the mirror to so the man i have become.

I knew this had to stop, as i made this decision my friend Sabine introduced me to Martin Brofman, a world class healer who helped me in my journey to self-love, acceptance, and freeing myself from living in the shadow o f my family’s image of who i must be.

If you are struggling to make that decision, not able to escape from your own grim reality, or feel powerless, it is time for you to draw a line, take action and invest in you.

Hence, more than ever before making time and investing in your personal development is not a luxury; it is a necessity to bringing your life back on track.

This is why I invite you to join my face book page, be a part of a inspired positive and supportive community where it’s safe to share your challenges, goals and dreams is more important than ever before.

The benefits of meditation are well known, you can download and use “Awaken and Open Your Heart ” guided meditation to tap into your heart space and center your inner self by helping you connect to the source of your awareness in its purest form. Release tensions, any disharmony in your body, and heal any parts of your body with healing white light. You will awaken into a conscious awareness feeling energised, loved, calm and loved.

You can also get a copy of my book from www.apathtowisdom.com, sign up to my monthly inspirational newsletter, attend my future workshops or book a one to one consultation and let me help you and be your mirror and the light that shines your path bright.

Just like if you don’t take care of your body on a consistent basis, you will inevitably invite a physical disease. In the same way, if you don’t nurture yourself emotionally and spiritually, slowly but surely, you will invite an emotional and spiritual disease.

The disease is a feedback mechanism from your body to you where you have not loved and need to love. It is the destination driven by the constant emotional neglect but the sad part of overlooking our emotional health is not just the eventual tragic destination, but the road there is also likely to be a path paved with pain and suffering if we don’t make time for emotional care on a daily basis; because besides our body, mind and emotions, the other home we can choose to live is our heart.

Therefore, we must take full responsibility for our own choices, happiness and wellbeing; nobody can do that for us, we must find our own definition of happiness and plant the seeds that enable us to blossom physically, emotionally and spiritually and water it daily so we are constantly growing and blooming because as the popular Personal Development saying goes: ‘If you’re not growing, you are dying’!!

On that note, I really look forward to see you at my workshops, socially, or at my next speaking engagement in September. Without a doubt, you will leave feeling inspired, energised and uplifted.

Helping you become healthy, wealthy and wise. To your joy, success and lifelong happiness,

Tony J Selimi
Elite Life Coach, Healer, Author and Teacher of Inner Wisdom.