With January saying goodbye, here comes February, a month that people around the world associate with love, romance, candlelight, flowers and the sound of sweet nothings. We even have a day dedicated to celebrating all the love in our lives – Valentine’s Day.

So where it all did started?

Valentine’s Day has its roots in an ancient (and rather risqué) Roman tradition called Lupercalia where  annually on February 15, young men stripped to their birthday suits and ran around spanking young maidens (gently) in order to boost their fertility.

You heard it right, these pagan antics remained wildly popular even after Constantine declared Christianity the official religion of the Roman Empire. Later, Lupercalia was absorbed into Christian tradition, transforming into Saint Valentine, the wayward saint who performed illegal marriages under the Roman Emperor Claudias II. For his digression, Saint Valentine was executed on February 14, and today, sweethearts around the world commemorate Saint Valentine on this day.

What people are doing on this day vary from country to country for instance lovers in the United States go all out in displaying their fondness for each other: Every year, Americans spend on average a sweet 20 billion dollars on chocolates, dinners, flowers and jewellery.

In South Korea the tradition is for men to be pampered on Valentine’s Day, women buy chocolates for their male partners, family members and co-workers as a token of affection and appreciation.

And for us in the UK, many of us get seriously romantic on Valentine’s Day, arranging candle light dinner dates, exchanging gifts, and buying flowers, chocolates and expensive jewellery.

For anyone who is single, Finland seems the place to be. You don’t have to worry about feeling left out of the festivities because in this country it’s all about celebrating with your friends. The day is even called ‘Friend’s Day’ in Finnish, not Valentine’s. The official flower is the pink rose, but mates are happy to receive gifts, cards or candy, too.

Although receiving the above mentioned gifts are a nice gesture, here are three Free Valentine gifts that most couples and single people desire:

1. The gift of Love.

Love is the exquisite healer present in all of us, it is the spark that ignites the light in us all, and it is the energy that transforms any emotional baggage we have continued to carry, our outdated and outmoded perspectives, and any other attachment that keeps us bound to the past into seeds for meaningful living.

When our heart is awakened, the light it radiates transmutes any dark negative energy we haves stored within us into powerful life changing lessons that unleash the true power of the infinite wisdom of love. Make the choice to say “yes!” to love yourself as you are, another person, place, condition or experience, to accepting love to guide and fill your life with infinite joy.

2. The Gift of Gratitude

No situation in life is beyond the act of gratitude. Many people hold on to their past traumas, fears, and pain, this way of being not only is damaging for your body-mind, but it is also the biggest lock you can put to your loving heart. Your heart’s compassion and its ability to love the unlovable is the greatest treasure you carry with you. You have the power to attract all that which you desire, open up closed doors, and mend broken relationships.

Whether you are single or not, chose this Valentine to be grateful, to say with a grateful heart“ I Love you and thank you” to anyone who may have harmed you, to dates that went wrong, and to partners that have left you to pursue their hearts desires.

If you are going on a date, be grateful that you have one, that you are alive and have this opportunity to express your highest expression of yourself.

3. The Gift of Honesty

For many of us, speaking our truth is one of the hardest hurdle to overcome. No one wants to go on a date with someone who lies, frankly, even if that person is you, your inner being does not like when you exaggerate, lie, or hold back your truth.

If you are on a date because you feel alone, say so, the other person will much prefer to listen to your honest self than the one who likes to disguise the loneliness you may feel inside. If you are on a Valentines date because you want one off sexual encounter with someone you have been dreaming about, communicate that openly and with confidence. We are all animal in our nature, sex is a greatest expression of who we are and of our love. And if you are in a long term relationship, then make sure you give your loved ones the gift of truth no matter what that may be for you.

In my professional career I have coached hundreds of couples on various relationship issues, one of the most common threads that lead to relationship breakdown is the illusion of what love is and it is not, not being grateful to your partner, and concealing the truth.

People often assume that love I support without challenge, that they need to be grateful only on the good things that their partner is doing, and do not want to speak their truth from the fear of hurting the other person. This is an unfortunate reasoning process. When we behave this way we increase the negative energy in the relationship, we forget about the person we fell in love with, and start to fill our now moment with this destructive energy and create a future moment with a similar type of damaging energy.

Few months ago I released my latest book called #Loneliness, it explores the fierce scientific, psychological and spiritual impact of loneliness in every layer of our society-in business, society, education, healthcare, elderly, family, relationship and in ourselves– a problem that has become an ironic epidemic in a world that is more interconnected than ever before.

Don’t forget to download your FREE chapter to help you feel more connected, learn how to embrace both challenge and support in your life, and create a love infused conscious relationship with yourself, your partner, family, friends, clients, and everyone you encounter in your daily life.

Whether you are single or in a relationship, decide this Valentine to apply the above three birth given Gifts and make someone’s Valentine a day their heart will always remember.

May you have love, gratitude, and truth infused Valentine.

Love and Wisdom

Tony J. Selimi

P.S. If you are ready to attract the right person and do not know how or are in a relationship that is challenging but do not what to do then book a two hour clarity coaching consultation and find out the root cause of your relationship issues, what prevents you from being in a love infused conscious relationship, and what you can do to have an epic 2017, accelerate your personal, professional and business growth.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”- Lao Tzu 

It is in our DNA to continuously evolve, multiply, and wake up and rise. To search for a deeper meaning to our mortal lives. The more I was learning about Taoism, the more I came to understand the meaning hidden behind Lao’s statement.

The many of the truth’s and lies that I had learned since a very young age kept me imprisoned in the prison of my own creation, the one of a rigid mind, and of an perfect illusionist whose illusions were so real that one could never establish the difference of what is and what’s not an illusion.

Ancient scriptures are littered with paradoxical lingo, for instance Jesus said, “Whoever tries to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will preserve it.”

Only this statement kept me searching for the deeper meaning behind these words. I came to experience the flow of life, the rhythm of striving and letting go that which hinders our evolution, conceals our truth, and keeps us holding on too tightly to our beliefs, skewed perceptions and injected values.

When we eventually awaken to our greatness, it feels like swimming against the current. It is this illusion that you must break through committing to do the hard work required to unravel the truth of who you are. Hustle and be persistent, make sure you balance this with patience, and at times, stepping away from a rigid belief, injected value, people or situation.

This was the case with Elizabeth Gilbert following the massive success of Eat, Pray, Love. She shared about the crippling pressure of any follow up work that came from this success. With millions of anxious readers, she cranked out a manuscript over the course of one year, but she shared that it just didn’t feel right “The voice didn’t sound like me.”

She decided to put the manuscript away, never to be looked at again, and focused on her garden patch. Taking a break brought her clarity; rather than writing the book for the millions anticipating, she decided to start over and wrote it for an audience of 27 close friends, who needed the message of the book.

This very same situation happened to me when I embarked writing both of my books A Path to Wisdom and #Loneliness. In both occasions the first manuscript I wrote did not feel congruent to me. I felt rushed and in a way pressured to deliver the manuscript to my publishers. I walked away from both of my original scripts and created two new ones that are now read by millions of readers globally.

Being able to listen to your true authentic voice, not the one you have developed over the years of conditioning, or disassociation, or fear, is what helped me let go of what the books had to be and created the room for them to become what they meant to be.

In your striving, acknowledge your willingness to let go and just do it.

Here are the five principles to embrace to elevate your being:

1. Unravel, Know and Grow Your Value. There’s value in simply being alive, being all you can be, and knowing your presence matters. And there’s value in what you contribute to the world; to learn to value how both your inner “devil” and “angel” are there to support you on your journey to self-actualization, and how life adversities are there to help you live your highest values and share that with the world. Keep investing in your most valuable assets: your health, knowledge, and wisdom. Get yourself a mentor or a coach, there are many out there, choose one that is credible, speaks, lives and is capable of holding a clean mirror to teach you your truth. I personally love learning and consulting with various teachers including world human behavior expert Dr John Demartini.
2. Learn the art of mastering free will and determinism. Many people out there believe that they have no free-will, that all our actions and behaviors are predetermined neurologically through upbringing and environment. Neuroplasticity experts disagree; they have now shown to us that we can change our brain, and we’re wholly and solely responsible for what takes place in life. In my recent book #Loneliness I share how our experience gives way to both; sometimes, we freely choose to pass on those delicious chocolate cakes, other times we’re possessed by the Vanilla Ice Cream Hagen Daz-monster. There are times we’re nothing like our parents, and other times we’re a splitting image. What I notice in many people is their willingness to intrude in other people’s realities, offering services and reasons why they should be in your life. To the extent that our able, self-discipline and willpower needs to be exerted. Ultimately with decision-making, joy comes in knowing you’re in the driver’s seat rather than the passenger seat. Whether or not free will is an illusion, feeling as though you’ve expressed your will is better than being a mindless robot. Remember, taking ownership is always better than seeking to blame.
3. Train your mind to think fast and slow down when it is absolutely necessary. Many of my clients struggle when it comes to making a decision if they should go ahead with their head, or with their heart. That is the question that billions of people are currently asking on the planet. When I spent six weeks meditating I learnt to master my mind, to slow it down and to think fast by recollecting vast amount of data needed to make a decision. Thinking fast, or just going with your gut, is often tied in with the unconscious mind; science has shown that it’s incredibly accurate—once we identify a goal we want to accomplish in our life, our mind draws from the vast information we’re subconsciously exposed to, and responds to triggers that support the goal. Thinking slow requires more conscious effort to fully explore an issue, but can lead to overanalysing and inaction. Whether you ultimately decide to go with logic or intuition, realizing your physical and emotional state when making the decision is just as, if not more important. Being in a stressed, tired, or negative state will never yield the best decision. Learn to be balanced, to think fast, and slow down when you need to, best way to do it is while you’re rested and in a calm state.
4. Embrace change and permanence. Universe is constantly moving, evolving, and creating and destroying stars and galaxies. You are part of the same universe governed by the very same laws. If you’ve heard the words, “Gosh, you’ve changed,” it was likely with a derogative tone, and remorse over what happened to the person they once knew. To be grounded and consistent in our values is a good thing, pretence has never been notable. Yet at the same time, returning to your high-school reunion and seeing old friends stuck in the same old thing comes with a sense of shame, blame and guilt. To grow and change is both a good and a bad thing. Whilst stagnancy has never been celebrated, it is essential part of everyone’s journey. Repetition and evolution are two great words balancing the truths of permanence and change: you may never change careers in your life, but the reality is you’ve grown in your work. You may never leave your country, but you may have fulfilled all your dreams and are daily doing actions that are elevating your being.
5. Study both Science and Spirituality. Science without spirituality is blind, spirituality without science is foolish. The integration of the knowledge they both bring is key to understanding the universe, our origins, and the next steps in our evolution. The dawn of the enlightenment and scientific revolution was the great divide between faith and reason. Positivism and Empiricism became the dominant methods for determining truth, and all else was classed as superstition. But in the recent years, we’ve seen the traditional enemies overlap, with science validating once esoteric knowledge and practices like prayer and meditation.

The five principles above are a great reminder that while truth and confidence can be grounded in facts and figures, trust and assurance can also be found in what’s not visible to the naked eye, or immediate to your senses. Belief, gratitude, and faith—less tangible experiences, supported by science, all broaden and add to meaningful experiences in life.

Learn to use the TJS Evolutionary Method to embody the mentioned five principles into your daily life. It will help you on your journey to integrate the wholeness of who you are.  For those of you who are advanced students of life, you may want to start reading my newly released book #Loneliness –The Virus of The Modern Age.  In this book is where you start the journey to unravel the hidden lies that in time become the truths that you speak. Where you learn to be authentic, speak your truth, and honour your true essence.

Lastly, remember one thing, enlightenment is not an overnight thing, it is a lifelong commitment, it is your infinite soul’s way of letting you know how powerful you are, and it is a dance between “Good” and “Evil”, “Love and “Hate”, “Day” and “Night” and the many counterparts of the two polar opposite sides of you.

“Being truthful, authentic, and grateful is the first step to healing your body, mind, and heart.”

Which one of these vital principles that resonates most with you are you going to commit daily? Which one of them is most aligned to your values, why is it so, and please feel free to share with me and readers from around the globe why is it so. Write your thoughts in the comments below, share this article on social media and invite others to engage in a life changing dialogue.

Be authentic, wealthy, and healthy,

Tony J. Selimi

Speaker, Coach, Human Behavior and Cognition Expert